is creating sarcasm that rubes don't get.

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per month
If you pledge $1, I'll make funny tweets for you. Will provide one Crystal Pepsi for me.
per month
You seriously don't get sarcasm and I appreciate that you are committed to giving me way more money than I deserve for internetting.

At this tier, you gain access to my soul for 30 seconds.
per month
WOW! You really care about my need to feed my family through internetting and I thank you for it. 

At this tier, I will create a hashtag with YOUR name in it. That way, all the internets will appreciate you.

This will also give my family at least 25 Crystal Pepsis.




per month


Good tidings. I'm on a quest to acquire soft drinks. You are on a quest to give people money. Let us converge these timelines to create the greatest Patreon of all time.

Also, we need Crystal Pepsi. I don't want to die without Crystal Pepsi.

$0 of $1 per month
If we reach $1, it probably won't change a thing about what I'm doing. All it will really do is fuel my desire to be paid for doing things I already do for fun. Everyone knows that money corrupts all, so corrupt me already and make this thing we love feel dirty inside.
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