Ron Bubson is creating a pretend religion
0

patrons

$0
per month
Existential ennui? No problem. Fill the void with sacrifice. Sacrifice to the bub god.

Have you ever wanted to join a mystery religion but were too "hip" for the Freemasons and too "alive" for the Cult of Mithras? Friend, your search may well be over. The Friends of the Bub God is a 100% pretend religion devoted to the bub god. For more details on the bub god consult the following choose your own adventure catechism:

Q: Who is bub god?
Aa: The god of bub.
Ab: The bub of god?

Q (if Aa): What is bub?
Ba: Bub is love.
Q (if Ab or Ba): Is bub love?
Ca: Bub for the bub god! (Yes)
Cb: Sacrifice to the bub god (No)
Cc: Probably?

By sacrificing your hard earned coin to the bub god you will be granted: higher and higher tiered ranks in the bub god's religion (actually true), supernatural powers such as invisibility, ornithomancy, matter ingestion, and many more (totally fake), a tailor made hat for each tier (probably real... eventually), and supplementary material revealed to me directly from the bub god (patently false).

Some frequently asked (by no one) questions include:
Q: What will you do with this money?
A: Spend it on expressly frivolous things while reciting a prayer to the bub god with every purchase. If somehow the following of the bub god grows beyond a couple dollars a month I will immediately begin creating hats and patches to give to everyone. If it grows further I will begin donating a majority of proceeds to charity.
Q: Is it sacrilege for me to sacrifice to the bub god?
A: It really depends on your (actual) religion. The bub god is expressly not real, so as long as you keep that in mind I think any higher power is probably ok with it. Seriously though, consult someone with more authority on the subject, I am not a theologian, just a boy made of bub.
Q: Ok, what do I actually get from sacrificing to the bub god, beyond eternal bliss and great hair.
A: No matter what tier you sacrifice at you will (actually) receive supplemental blog posts, parables, choose your own adventure catechisms, that sort of thing, related to the bub god. There's no overarching plot, just a slowly developing canon of bub related nonsense. And of course, the hidden secrets of bub.


The bub god does not demand worship, only sacrifice. Bub for the bub god.
Tiers
His/Her/Their Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]
$1 or more per month
From this moment forward, all members of the Friends of the Bub God must refer to you as Your Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]. That is, not only the first time you're introduced in conversation, but at every possible opportunity they must refer to you as Your Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]. You have been inducted into the friends of the bub god, and given freely of your wealth such that the bub god may bub.


Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include: The ability to induce sneezing in yourself.

Holy Abbot
$5 or more per month
By donating five dollars a month you achieve the rank of Holy Abbot, and are thus a respectable member of the bub god's society. From the bub you (retroactively) have come, and to the bub you will (probably) return. Within a day of donating your mind will open to hidden possibilities (it will not actually do this) and you will begin to be able to see around corners (by walking toward them).


Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include: The ability to just, you know, be in the moment sometimes... like, our problems aren't superficial, but a lot of them are just, so distant to this moment. You feel me?

Pious Schemamonk
$25 or more per month
By donating this amount you prove yourself ready for the next tier of mystery, that of the Pious Schemamonk. From this point onward the higher tiers will be revealed to you, and you will possess both the gate, the bub within your own soul, and the key to the gate, the bub within the heart of the universe.


 Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include:  Increased appreciation for showering and performing daily hygiene tasks, mad dance skills (after months of practice).

Mystery Pope
$100 or more per month
I don't know who you are, but you must have something to atone for to sacrifice this ludicrous amount to the bub god. You receive all the powers of the previous tiers and are crowned the Mystery Pope.
Existential ennui? No problem. Fill the void with sacrifice. Sacrifice to the bub god.

Have you ever wanted to join a mystery religion but were too "hip" for the Freemasons and too "alive" for the Cult of Mithras? Friend, your search may well be over. The Friends of the Bub God is a 100% pretend religion devoted to the bub god. For more details on the bub god consult the following choose your own adventure catechism:

Q: Who is bub god?
Aa: The god of bub.
Ab: The bub of god?

Q (if Aa): What is bub?
Ba: Bub is love.
Q (if Ab or Ba): Is bub love?
Ca: Bub for the bub god! (Yes)
Cb: Sacrifice to the bub god (No)
Cc: Probably?

By sacrificing your hard earned coin to the bub god you will be granted: higher and higher tiered ranks in the bub god's religion (actually true), supernatural powers such as invisibility, ornithomancy, matter ingestion, and many more (totally fake), a tailor made hat for each tier (probably real... eventually), and supplementary material revealed to me directly from the bub god (patently false).

Some frequently asked (by no one) questions include:
Q: What will you do with this money?
A: Spend it on expressly frivolous things while reciting a prayer to the bub god with every purchase. If somehow the following of the bub god grows beyond a couple dollars a month I will immediately begin creating hats and patches to give to everyone. If it grows further I will begin donating a majority of proceeds to charity.
Q: Is it sacrilege for me to sacrifice to the bub god?
A: It really depends on your (actual) religion. The bub god is expressly not real, so as long as you keep that in mind I think any higher power is probably ok with it. Seriously though, consult someone with more authority on the subject, I am not a theologian, just a boy made of bub.
Q: Ok, what do I actually get from sacrificing to the bub god, beyond eternal bliss and great hair.
A: No matter what tier you sacrifice at you will (actually) receive supplemental blog posts, parables, choose your own adventure catechisms, that sort of thing, related to the bub god. There's no overarching plot, just a slowly developing canon of bub related nonsense. And of course, the hidden secrets of bub.


The bub god does not demand worship, only sacrifice. Bub for the bub god.

Recent posts by Ron Bubson

Tiers
His/Her/Their Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]
$1 or more per month
From this moment forward, all members of the Friends of the Bub God must refer to you as Your Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]. That is, not only the first time you're introduced in conversation, but at every possible opportunity they must refer to you as Your Eminence, Beloved Disciple [your name]. You have been inducted into the friends of the bub god, and given freely of your wealth such that the bub god may bub.


Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include: The ability to induce sneezing in yourself.

Holy Abbot
$5 or more per month
By donating five dollars a month you achieve the rank of Holy Abbot, and are thus a respectable member of the bub god's society. From the bub you (retroactively) have come, and to the bub you will (probably) return. Within a day of donating your mind will open to hidden possibilities (it will not actually do this) and you will begin to be able to see around corners (by walking toward them).


Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include: The ability to just, you know, be in the moment sometimes... like, our problems aren't superficial, but a lot of them are just, so distant to this moment. You feel me?

Pious Schemamonk
$25 or more per month
By donating this amount you prove yourself ready for the next tier of mystery, that of the Pious Schemamonk. From this point onward the higher tiers will be revealed to you, and you will possess both the gate, the bub within your own soul, and the key to the gate, the bub within the heart of the universe.


 Supernatural Powers Bestowed at this Tier Include:  Increased appreciation for showering and performing daily hygiene tasks, mad dance skills (after months of practice).

Mystery Pope
$100 or more per month
I don't know who you are, but you must have something to atone for to sacrifice this ludicrous amount to the bub god. You receive all the powers of the previous tiers and are crowned the Mystery Pope.