Lord Likelyis creating The Greatest Works of Literature Ever Written
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Join my lordly self on my astonishing adventures! Every month, we will attempt to complete a new thrilling tale, with new chapters unlocked for our preeminent patrons! Enjoy the sense of smug satisfaction that you are one of the select few to enjoy my all-new astonishing adventures!
Become a Likely Lover and you too shall gain access to the exclusive club, reading every new chapter of my astonishing adventures as they are written! Furthermore, these will then be collected into an electronic book format, which you shall have the distinct pleasure of owning for no extra cost. Furthermore, as a contributor, you shall be credited in the ebook itself. HUZZAH!
Egad! Such generosity! In return, you get all of the rewards of the above tiers AND an actual, paperback book of each adventure you support, made up of ink and paper as opposed to numbers and electrons, complete with a credit to your good self! Now you too can physically hod me in your hands!
I am Lord Likely, aristocratic adventurer and gentle-man of action! Perhaps you have heard of me, or perhaps you are one of the unfortunate few who have yet to discover my pulse-pounding tales of adventure, as chronicled in my thrilling electronic journals.
Those same journals have brought me a certain amount of infamy, what with them being mentioned in The Guardian newspaper, attracting celebrity readers such as Rob Riggle (from The Daily Show and many notable moving pictures) whilst delighting some 20,000 readers a month.
Such incredible entertainment was provided for absolutely free by my good self, such was the enormity of my largesse. But now, some eleven years later, I feel the need to bring my tales to a wider audience - which is why I am here today, seeking your kind patronage.
A THOROUGHLY DECENT PROPOSAL
My suggestion is this: I commence upon a programme of releasing the most action-packed, trouser-tightening novellas e'er committed to print, to be put up for sale to an adventure-starved audience, thus befitting the entirety of humankind as well as my own pocket-book. The plan would be to set about releasing one such book a month, building into the most loin-achingly lovely library of terrific tales!
The first of these would be entitled The Bell Ends, and follows my first adventure that set me on the path to becoming the Gentleman of Action you all see before you today. After a reunion with my college dining group, The Bellending Club, a terrifying discovery is made and a sinister plot is revealed that threatens the entire country! Can I stop the plan and save the day? Quite probably, but let us find out together, eh?
Here is a mock-up of the cover, from when the book sported a slightly different title:
Of course, such an undertaking requires a lot of work, and in such instances I would usually turn to my scribe, Mr. A.D Fanton. He was responsible for transcribing my previous tales to my electronic journal, but since then the bounder has gone and got himself a family and a freelance career, finding himself published in all sorts of journals from The Beano, to Viz and Private Eye. As such, he is now demanding some sort of recompense for his time, which is just about typical for the filthy proletariat. Can he not just find reward in the fact that has worked for his better, helping him to ascend the social ladder? Is not the exposure one attains from aligning oneself with a beloved public figure enough? Apparently none of that will feed his family, according to that cur Mr. Fanton, and so I find myself having to find a way to pay the blaggard, not to mention the various other costs associated with bringing a book into being.
I would, of course, have thrown some of my own immense personal fortune at the project, only a few bad wagers on the gee-gees have left me in a rather perilous financial state, not to mention that I have now attracted the attention of a rather violent bookie known as 'Frothing' Jack McFrantic. That, dear reader, is where you come in. Along with your wallets and purses.
SO HERE IS THE PLAN
I propose that together we unite to change the face of publishing, preferably to a ruggedly handsome, moustached face like mine. With your generous support, I will endeavour to provide monthly adventures, full of action, thrills, humour, rumpy-pumpy, satire and many, many euphemisms for tallywhacker. The plan would be to publish THREE chapters every week, which all patrons will gain access to as they are completed. Meanwhile those in the $5 or $15 will also get a free ebook or paperback of the completed tale, based on their level of support. Everyone is a winner - most notably, literature itself.
I do hope you shall join me in this endeavour, and I thank you for your time. Also, your shillings.
- Lord Likely.