Simon Fiasco

Simon Fiasco

is creating streaming content and other useless bits of digital flotsam.

0

patrons

Fair question! That would be me.

I am Simon of the House Fiasco, first of my name, the jack of some (but really, not many) trades, king of the Rascal Nation, regent of hooligans and rapscallions, lord of nothing in particular, scribbler of words, eater of Hawaiian pizza, protector of small fur-bearing animals, breaker of chairs, and speaker of dad jokes!

The name is just a nom de guerre, of course. (Isn't that a great phrase? Say it with me. Nom de guerre. You can feel the italics tickle your nasal passages, vibrating with arrogant titillation as the idiom instills a certain degree of superiority into the left frontal lobe of your cerebral cortex, can't you?)

My real name is the unfortunate, bland, and pedestrian "Brian." Nobody wants to be named Brian, except maybe Brian Blessed, who has really ruined the name for the rest of us with his history of sparring with the Dalai Lama, climbing Mt. Everest, and keeping a full grown grizzly bear hidden behind his massive beard. If you're going to be named Brian, you must be Brian Blessed. If you aren't Brian Blessed, what's the point?

I am not Brian Blessed, and the strange alien overlords that talk to me through a psychic eggplant insisted on a more exciting name for their Earthbound representative, so Simon Fiasco it is.

When not sitting in front of my computer staring at a webcam with my mouth hanging open like I just saw the ghost of someone almost (but not quite) interesting, I spend my time on a balcony overlooking the Arkansas River, playing Death Metal's Greatest Hits on my diamond-studded kazoo. I don't pretend to know the meaning of life, but I know the meaning of "sesquipidalian", and that makes me feel all extraordinarily exceptional on the inside.

If I am at my computer (and, let's face it, that's the majority of my time), mostly I'm either streaming video games from the comfort of my Broyhill easy chair or doing something equally as silly, like pretending the Photoshop skills of someone with no true artistic talent really matter.


The point of this Patreon project is simple: It's all about the whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs.

What whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs, you ask? You know, those little things designed to make life livable. Sometimes the thingamajig I need at a given moment is a grocery basket full of food. Other times the doodad of the month is that new Game of Thrones novel I just have to have (assuming ye ol' GRRM lives long enough to give us another installment!). Mostly it will be a dingbat needed rather than a wingding wanted, like paying the electric bill, buying cat food, affording Klingon language lessons, and covering webhosting fees.

You know, everyday sort of things.

There are always whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs to take care of, and never enough little green slips of paper to take care of them. It's as if all the dead presidents in America couldn't give one whit about those poor little odds and ends. Bring on Harriet Tubman, I say. She cares!

Until then, that's what this Patreon project is all about, forcing dead presidents to pay my bills so I can keep dishing out quality content (which is, of course, entirely subjective).


A long time ago artists didn't sell their works. No, they were paid through the generosity of wealthy patrons to whom, in turn, books and poems and plays were dedicated.

Which explains why such dedications tended to be so stuffed with flattery.

Well... Patreon is sort of like that. You play the part of the wealthy patron (even if you're not wealthy!) and I play the part of the artist. In other words, you (and others like you) donate a small amount to keep me doing what I do.

I want to keep creating fun, satisfying streams on Mixer - playing games and hanging out with cool folks and creating a community - and I want you to fund that terrible habit. And by you, I don't mean just you. That would be just plain silly, unless you happen to be Warren Buffet or Bill Gates and want to shower me with money, in which case your idea doesn't sound silly at all! Since you're probably not Buffet or Gates, I really mean all the many yous out there who might take a moment to read this page and say, "Hey, this guy sounds like he could really use our help affording a therapist."

See? By pledging your support, you'll not only be helping me create more amazing content, but you'll be paying for my therapist (as noted above). And believe me, a good shrink doesn't come cheap!

So that's the long term goal. Keep trucking. Keep moving forward. Build a group of people don't mind smelling what I'm stepping in. I'm just hoping enough someones see the value in it to help make it happen - you know, doing this all on that someone's dime. Or dollar. I think the minimum you can pledge is a dollar. You'd pledge a dollar, wouldn't you? That's the price of a McChicken.

Surely you can give up one McChicken. Think of the poor, motherless chicks!


That's a great question. I'm glad you asked. Well, maybe I asked. What do you, my patrons, get from me in exchange for your hard-earned dollar?

First, because you're helping me keep streaming, you get to see my ugly mug several days a week (should you wish it, of course!) at Mixer., along with the warm, fuzzy sensation of helping me keep the dream alive. Doesn't that just nuke your cockles? Yeah, it's amazing, right? But wait... there's more!

Supporters are various tiers will be the recipients of some utterly astounding gifts showered upon them as if from the heavens themselves. 

You may have already won...

  • Private blog posts and how-to features at the newly-rebuilt simonfiasco.com!
  • Access to a private VIP channel on the official Rascal Nation Discord Server!
  • Discounts on upcoming Simon Fiasco merch!
  • Entries into drawings and giveaways for utterly useless, uninspired things!
  • Shoutouts on simonfiasco.com, during stream chat, and even in the stream credits!
  • Live "Rated M" bedtime stories!
  • Priority access to playing live... with me!

... and much, much more! (See the side panel detailing the various patron tiers for more info.)

Anyway, as your support starts to build toward something that resembles an income and I reach certain milestones, I'll be making changes that benefit both me and the community, like increased stream time or posting a video of me dressed in a pink gorilla suit doing handstands in downtown Wichita. (Don't be silly. First, I'm way too large for your average gorilla suit. Second, even at my best, I've never been able to manage a handstand. But I'm okay with pink. Real men can wear pink and never bat a long, dark eyelash.)


Whew. Glad that's done. Aren't you?

This is where I'm supposed to say something glib like, "Thank you for reading this."

What? I already said it. Hit the "Become a Patron" button already!
Tiers
Mischief Maker
$1 or more per month

You little scamp, you! For your dollar, you get...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank One priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days.
Includes Discord rewards
Rabble Rouser
$5 or more per month

You crazy hooligan!  For a five dollars donation each month, you receive...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Two priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
Includes Discord rewards
Skilled Instigator
$10 or more per month

What a miscreant!  A donation of ten bucks each month nets you...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Three priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 10% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
Includes Discord rewards
Master Agitator
$25 or more per month

Rapscallion!  A generous donation of twenty five dollars per month will get you...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Four priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 15% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
  • A sticker (Simon's choice) from the Rascal Nation merch store every month!
  • A monthly handwritten postcard from Simon Fiasco and Malthuura, the Lady Fiasco, thanking you for your gift and extolling your virtues! 
Includes Discord rewards
Agent Provocateur
$100 or more per month

Aha! An experienced vagabond! Your benevolence is unmatched! You'll be on the receiving end of...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters, and The Back Room, a special room for patrons donating $25 or more!
  • Rank Five priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 20% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
  • A sticker (Simon's choice) from the Rascal Nation merch store every month!
  • A monthly handwritten letter from Simon Fiasco and Malthuura, the Lady Fiasco, thanking you for your gift and extolling your virtues!
Includes Discord rewards

Fair question! That would be me.

I am Simon of the House Fiasco, first of my name, the jack of some (but really, not many) trades, king of the Rascal Nation, regent of hooligans and rapscallions, lord of nothing in particular, scribbler of words, eater of Hawaiian pizza, protector of small fur-bearing animals, breaker of chairs, and speaker of dad jokes!

The name is just a nom de guerre, of course. (Isn't that a great phrase? Say it with me. Nom de guerre. You can feel the italics tickle your nasal passages, vibrating with arrogant titillation as the idiom instills a certain degree of superiority into the left frontal lobe of your cerebral cortex, can't you?)

My real name is the unfortunate, bland, and pedestrian "Brian." Nobody wants to be named Brian, except maybe Brian Blessed, who has really ruined the name for the rest of us with his history of sparring with the Dalai Lama, climbing Mt. Everest, and keeping a full grown grizzly bear hidden behind his massive beard. If you're going to be named Brian, you must be Brian Blessed. If you aren't Brian Blessed, what's the point?

I am not Brian Blessed, and the strange alien overlords that talk to me through a psychic eggplant insisted on a more exciting name for their Earthbound representative, so Simon Fiasco it is.

When not sitting in front of my computer staring at a webcam with my mouth hanging open like I just saw the ghost of someone almost (but not quite) interesting, I spend my time on a balcony overlooking the Arkansas River, playing Death Metal's Greatest Hits on my diamond-studded kazoo. I don't pretend to know the meaning of life, but I know the meaning of "sesquipidalian", and that makes me feel all extraordinarily exceptional on the inside.

If I am at my computer (and, let's face it, that's the majority of my time), mostly I'm either streaming video games from the comfort of my Broyhill easy chair or doing something equally as silly, like pretending the Photoshop skills of someone with no true artistic talent really matter.


The point of this Patreon project is simple: It's all about the whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs.

What whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs, you ask? You know, those little things designed to make life livable. Sometimes the thingamajig I need at a given moment is a grocery basket full of food. Other times the doodad of the month is that new Game of Thrones novel I just have to have (assuming ye ol' GRRM lives long enough to give us another installment!). Mostly it will be a dingbat needed rather than a wingding wanted, like paying the electric bill, buying cat food, affording Klingon language lessons, and covering webhosting fees.

You know, everyday sort of things.

There are always whatchamacallits, doohickeys, and thingamabobs to take care of, and never enough little green slips of paper to take care of them. It's as if all the dead presidents in America couldn't give one whit about those poor little odds and ends. Bring on Harriet Tubman, I say. She cares!

Until then, that's what this Patreon project is all about, forcing dead presidents to pay my bills so I can keep dishing out quality content (which is, of course, entirely subjective).


A long time ago artists didn't sell their works. No, they were paid through the generosity of wealthy patrons to whom, in turn, books and poems and plays were dedicated.

Which explains why such dedications tended to be so stuffed with flattery.

Well... Patreon is sort of like that. You play the part of the wealthy patron (even if you're not wealthy!) and I play the part of the artist. In other words, you (and others like you) donate a small amount to keep me doing what I do.

I want to keep creating fun, satisfying streams on Mixer - playing games and hanging out with cool folks and creating a community - and I want you to fund that terrible habit. And by you, I don't mean just you. That would be just plain silly, unless you happen to be Warren Buffet or Bill Gates and want to shower me with money, in which case your idea doesn't sound silly at all! Since you're probably not Buffet or Gates, I really mean all the many yous out there who might take a moment to read this page and say, "Hey, this guy sounds like he could really use our help affording a therapist."

See? By pledging your support, you'll not only be helping me create more amazing content, but you'll be paying for my therapist (as noted above). And believe me, a good shrink doesn't come cheap!

So that's the long term goal. Keep trucking. Keep moving forward. Build a group of people don't mind smelling what I'm stepping in. I'm just hoping enough someones see the value in it to help make it happen - you know, doing this all on that someone's dime. Or dollar. I think the minimum you can pledge is a dollar. You'd pledge a dollar, wouldn't you? That's the price of a McChicken.

Surely you can give up one McChicken. Think of the poor, motherless chicks!


That's a great question. I'm glad you asked. Well, maybe I asked. What do you, my patrons, get from me in exchange for your hard-earned dollar?

First, because you're helping me keep streaming, you get to see my ugly mug several days a week (should you wish it, of course!) at Mixer., along with the warm, fuzzy sensation of helping me keep the dream alive. Doesn't that just nuke your cockles? Yeah, it's amazing, right? But wait... there's more!

Supporters are various tiers will be the recipients of some utterly astounding gifts showered upon them as if from the heavens themselves. 

You may have already won...

  • Private blog posts and how-to features at the newly-rebuilt simonfiasco.com!
  • Access to a private VIP channel on the official Rascal Nation Discord Server!
  • Discounts on upcoming Simon Fiasco merch!
  • Entries into drawings and giveaways for utterly useless, uninspired things!
  • Shoutouts on simonfiasco.com, during stream chat, and even in the stream credits!
  • Live "Rated M" bedtime stories!
  • Priority access to playing live... with me!

... and much, much more! (See the side panel detailing the various patron tiers for more info.)

Anyway, as your support starts to build toward something that resembles an income and I reach certain milestones, I'll be making changes that benefit both me and the community, like increased stream time or posting a video of me dressed in a pink gorilla suit doing handstands in downtown Wichita. (Don't be silly. First, I'm way too large for your average gorilla suit. Second, even at my best, I've never been able to manage a handstand. But I'm okay with pink. Real men can wear pink and never bat a long, dark eyelash.)


Whew. Glad that's done. Aren't you?

This is where I'm supposed to say something glib like, "Thank you for reading this."

What? I already said it. Hit the "Become a Patron" button already!

Recent posts by Simon Fiasco

Tiers
Mischief Maker
$1 or more per month

You little scamp, you! For your dollar, you get...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank One priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days.
Includes Discord rewards
Rabble Rouser
$5 or more per month

You crazy hooligan!  For a five dollars donation each month, you receive...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Two priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
Includes Discord rewards
Skilled Instigator
$10 or more per month

What a miscreant!  A donation of ten bucks each month nets you...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Three priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 10% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
Includes Discord rewards
Master Agitator
$25 or more per month

Rapscallion!  A generous donation of twenty five dollars per month will get you...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters!
  • Rank Four priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 15% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
  • A sticker (Simon's choice) from the Rascal Nation merch store every month!
  • A monthly handwritten postcard from Simon Fiasco and Malthuura, the Lady Fiasco, thanking you for your gift and extolling your virtues! 
Includes Discord rewards
Agent Provocateur
$100 or more per month

Aha! An experienced vagabond! Your benevolence is unmatched! You'll be on the receiving end of...

  • Private "Patron Only" posts here on Patreon!
  • Access to The Hideout, a special channel on the Rascal Nation Discord Server accessible only by Patreon supporters, and The Back Room, a special room for patrons donating $25 or more!
  • Rank Five priority when playing with Simon on supporter game days. 
  • 20% off the price of items in the Rascal Nation merch store!
  • A sticker (Simon's choice) from the Rascal Nation merch store every month!
  • A monthly handwritten letter from Simon Fiasco and Malthuura, the Lady Fiasco, thanking you for your gift and extolling your virtues!
Includes Discord rewards